After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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