Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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