I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
