The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
