So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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