But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
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It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
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Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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