i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
