onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize