Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
