P.S. I can't hear my feet
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
