I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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