WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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