Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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