ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
