turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
