Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
