I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
