im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
