3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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