i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
home. puking in laundry basket.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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