it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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