he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
