Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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