She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
