The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
