Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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