Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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