the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
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Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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