so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
