Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
