Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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