omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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