I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
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he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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