I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
only you would photoshop your dick
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
