I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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