Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize