Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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