If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
