I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize