i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
