I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
All the doctor said was why
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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