I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
