Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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