Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
