C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
