they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
