I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
