yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
