Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
