he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
