At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
