Too much gin, very little bucket
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
