No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
