Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
