She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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