one might say we're banned from that church
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i now understand why vodka
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
