My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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