He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I love you. Go after that dick
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
