in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
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When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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