it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You need Xanax blowdarts
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
