I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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