I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
