if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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