totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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