Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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