im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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