I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
