I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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