You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
