Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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