Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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