I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
