Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
