The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
