when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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