Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just threw up on my dentist
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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