how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
