normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Found your dick twin last night
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
